The Browns lost to the Bengals in yesterday's game and Deshaun Watson was the star of the game, not because of his playing, because how you play the game doesn't really matter, but because he did a stretch that went viral, and everything is about the viral moment.

The general joke is that things are so bad that Watson has to massage his own leg, calling him a hurtbag who is so soft he needs massages, or so hurtin' he doesn't have his own massage therapist to do it for him. It's the masturbation of massages, but where is the happy ending?