Inspirational thought of the week:
Oh, hold him, darling
Please hold him tight
And brush the tear from your eye
You weep because you had a dream last night
You dreamed that he said goodbye
Hush hush, sweet Charlotte
Charlotte, don't you cry
Hush hush, sweet Charlotte
He'll love you till he dies
-- "Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte," Patti Page
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the rich mahogany bookcase where Gene Wojciechowski keeps leather-bound volumes of his "College GameDay" feature scripts, we spend our autumn weekends on the road watching games, but spend most of our weekdays bunkered in at the Bottom 10 basement home office.
For those who don't know, that's in Charlotte, aka also the home of the Charlotte 49ers, aka the only FBS team located 10 miles from my house. That living situation can get a little awkward. Like having to still share an apartment with the newly former significant other that you caught making out with your best friend, Tommy, at your birthday party, because neither one of you can afford to move out. No matter how hard you might try to avoid each other, there's no way to dodge those accidental and overtly uncomfortable encounters in the kitchen, standing in silence at the island waiting on the coffee maker to finish, but both of your skulls echoing with the words that you screamed at that party, "YOU ARE THE WORST! LIKE, RANKED NO. 1 AMONG THE 10 WORST THINGS IN OUR WORLD!"
That's what it is like for me at the grocery store, the gas station, even at church whenever the Niners are ranked in the Bottom 10. And they have been a lot. On Monday, after Charlotte fired head coach Will Healy, everyone knew what had to be done. Especially the guy in line behind me at Starbucks with his 2019 Bahamas Bowl Runner-Up sweatshirt on, angrily staring at me over the top of his grande pumpkin spice latte. We might as well have been exes in an apartment kitchen.
"I already know you're gonna have us No. 1," he grumbled. Then he set down his red pepper egg white bite, raised a fist and slowly cranked up a middle finger. "Well, guess what? So are you."
With apologies to Peter Quill, Will Healy and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 8 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. Charlotte 1-and-7ers (1-7)
Coach-less Charlotte travels to Houston to face Rice, an opponent that used to be a Bottom 10 mainstay and a near-instant W for any visitor, but these Owls are 4-3 and it has been a Texas-sized minute since they were in these rankings. On the bright side, whenever a team from the hometown of Bojangles goes to a place named Rice, you know what that means? Dirty Rice for all!
