"In the Pacific Northwest, Bigfoot is big business. There are fan clubs and podcasts dedicated to the legend, and local police stations often field calls from true believers eager to report the latest sighting.

The Loch Ness Monster enjoys the same sort of attention in Scotland. Nessie even has her (his?) own website.

Here in Philly, Chase Utley is building toward that kind of crazy cult treatment. At this point, the patellar tendinitis in his right knee should have its own PR handler. Every step he takes is evaluated, every simulated game dissected. The reports come one after the other now. He's close. He's not close. He's not working out. He is working out. The truth is in there somewhere.

A grainy video of Utley jogging along the infield surfaced not long ago and found its way onto Comcast SportsNet. The footage was taken by former Inquirer columnist Jim Salisbury. Does Citizens Bank Park have a grassy knoll? I think he shot it from there.

Won't be long now until someone dials 911 to inform PPD that Utley was seen doing wind sprints along Kelly Drive near Boathouse Row around 2 a.m. After that comes the cheesy merchandise with his mug stamped on it, or maybe a theme park ride named in his honor.

The latest Utley-related update went down the other day. While most of us were distracted by the return of Jayson Werth and his facial hair, Charlie Manuel gathered the ol' ball writers around and did a whole gallows humor routine about changing his lineup because "we've been hitting that ball so hard." That naturally led to the inevitable follow up questions about Utley and his progress.

Hey there, skip, what about that Utley fellow? He can swing the stick. How long until he's back boppin' again for the local nine?

It probably wasn't asked like that, but that's how I remember it in my head. My inner voice sometimes likes to do old-timey 1920s reporter-guy shtick. It's weird.

"It might be time to let him go somewhere, like Clearwater or something," Manuel said. "He's starting to get into a broader, big routine. I think he's doing much better. He's getting there. How he responds after he does that kind of workout the last couple of days, that's what counts."

And with that, the media scrambled to turn on the Utley Signal (it's like the Bat Signal, only with a giant "U"). It's amazing that no one pulled a hammy in the process."