"Warning: What you're about to read could cause incessant laughter and eye-rolling so severe you might be mistaken at Thanksgiving for Michele Bachmann. Before proceeding, please grab a chair.

OK. Here goes.

The Vikings need to trade Adrian Peterson. Soon. While he still has premium value.

To be clear, this is not my suggestion. I, too, have experienced laughter pains and headaches of disbelief just hearing those words.

So why does that recommendation keep surfacing from a horde of disgruntled but oh-so-serious Vikings fans?

The proponents of the "Pitch Peterson" campaign insist they're not shouting without thinking.

Some express sympathy for Peterson.

Why let one of the game's all-time greats waste precious years of his prime lending his efforts to a team with so many fatal flaws it will never win big? Others believe the Vikings need to adopt daring business savvy in order to build a champion. Trade Peterson to a team on the brink, they say, and receive a treasure chest of talent and potential in return.

Somehow, the discussion isn't totally baseless.

Even NFL Network analyst Charles Davis delivered a bewildered laugh when first presented with the idea of abandoning A.P.

But then he took a deep breath and saw a few ounces of logic.

"With a running back like that you think every carry could be his last," Davis said. "It's that simple. The odometer starts on those guys quickly. And Adrian is an old-style banger. To get maximum value out of him, he has to carry it 20 times. That's not really the NFL now, is it?"

Just to nip this in the bud, Peterson is not going anywhere. The asking price would be far too extreme. And in a pass-happy league, teams are addressing other parts of their wish lists.

Breaking the bank to nab Peterson?

"That means I'm retooling my entire offense in all likelihood," Davis said. "That means I need different-style blockers up front. Which means I need a different-style quarterback, a game manager who will have to throw it on third downs when it's tough. See where I'm going?""