"A recent email from Mariners.com informed me of a most unusual circumstance involving Ichiro Suzuki.

"Ichiro needs your help," the message began, and before continuing, I had to stop and savor that thought.

Ichiro needs my help?

The man is due to make a base salary of $17 million this season, and another $17 million next season. What predicament is so dire in his life that he needs my help?

Did he snap a shoelace and can't figure out how to the push the frayed remainder of the lace into the eyelets of his shoe? (Moisten the tip, Ichiro. Works every time.)

Has his vacuum cleaner bag filled up to the max and he's not in the mood to run to the vacuum cleaner store for more bags? (Here's a veteran move: just empty what you can from the old bag, then reuse it.)

Is there a bee buzzing around the kitchen and no flyswatter handy? (Roll up a newspaper or a magazine and swat the insect into kingdom come. But if the magazine turns out to be your wife's new edition of "Better Homes and Gardens," make sure to wipe the remains off the cover. Oh, and another thing - this is from past experience - make sure the bee is really, really dead.)

Then I read the rest of the email, and it turns out Ichiro doesn't merely need my help. He needs your help, too."