"Al Davis' grievance against JaMarcus Russell, in which he seeks to reclaim $9.55 million paid the quarterback during his time with the Raiders, is a fascinating study. While the grievance is based on the team's assertion that the money was an advance against future salary, it seems safe to assume it was inspired by Russell's woeful play.

So while the upcoming hearing is ostensibly about contractual clauses and guaranteed money, it's not difficult to imagine the proceedings degenerating into ritual finger-pointing. It's easier still when you have First Court of Surreal at your disposal.

As the proceedings begin, an arbiter is taking his seat behind a large oak desk. Davis, resplendent in a white-on-black ensemble, is seated at a table to his right. Russell, wearing a large raccoon coat, is seated to his left.

Arbiter: We are on the record in the case of Davis v. Russell, albeit after a 15-minute delay.

Russell (attaching a large diamond stud to his left earlobe): Sorry. I had a little trouble getting through the metal detector.

Arbiter: Do you think you should have left earlier to make sure you were on time?

Russell: Personally, I don't think so. Do you?

Davis: I'm going to dominate this hearing.

Arbiter: Quiet, please. Mr. Davis, please tell us why you have requested remuneration for $9.55 million of the money you paid Mr. Russell."