“Happy Xmas (Season’s Over)”

[“Happy Xmas (War is Over)]

(As sung by the Jets and Giants)

So this is Christmas
And Eli is done

The offense ‘pathetic’
The defense overrun

And so this is Christmas
For Geno and Rex

For Woody and Idzik
To pay their last respects

A very wary Christmas
And it’s on to Next Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one
For Coughlin’s career

So this is Christmas (Season’s over)
For blue and for green (Way too early)

For Mo and for Tone Time (Season’s over)
Downhill since Halloween (Gates are pearly)

And so Happy Christmas (Seasons’s over)
For Victor and Nix (Can’t believe it)

For Prince and JPP (Season’s over)
It’s a blur since 0-6 (Can’t reprieve it)

A very scary Christmas
And it’s on to ’14

Let’s hope it’s much better
For blue and for green.

“They’re Beginning to Look A Lot Like Yankees”
(“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)

They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees
Third place wouldn’t do

No more Adams or Luis Cruz
No Hafner or Philip Hughes

And if they’re lucky A-Rod bids adieu
They’re beginning to spend a lot like Yankees

Beltran and McCann
Give Jacoby one-fifty mil

Never blinking at the bill
It’s a master plan

An ace who can throw, a sub for Cano
Is the wish of Girardi and Cash

A trip to the bank, by Hal and by Hank
And the team’s overturned in a flash

(Who care’s if everyone’s older than Potter on ‘M*A*S*H’?)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees

Jeter’s back, so’s Tex.
And CC can’t be any worse

(If so, better call a nurse)
Contention is what everyone expects.

They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees
George would beam with pride

Though replacements for Andy and Mo
(And, again, for Robbie Cano)

Are less cut … and … dried …
But at least they tried

“Stumbling Around New MSG”
(Rocking Around the Christmas Tree)

Stumbling around New MSG
With the Knickerbocker five

Shumpert pouts and the papers shout
That the coach might not survive

Stumbling around New MSG
Where Carmelo sings the blues

Will he play next in L.A.?
(Just a nicer Newport-News)

You will get a nauseating feeling
When you ask

What the hell’s Bargnani doing?
(Where have you gone, Patrick Ewing?)

Stumbling around New MSG
On Amar’e’s knees of clay

The Brothers Smith and the owner’s myth
That a title’s on the way

You will get a stomach-churning feeling
When you see

Defense wholly non-existent
Offense grossly inconsistent

Stumbling around New MSG
Where the timeouts go unused

A 40-year whirl since Clyde and Pearl
And the fan … base … ain’t … amu-u-u-used …

(“Silver Bells”)
Grandy signing, Sandy whining
At the sticker-shock price

Of assembling a team for contention
Harvey’s courtside, Niese is portside
Ike and Duda suffice

And throughout Queens the people all say …
Jeff and Fred
Spend your bread

Bring winning baseball to Citi
Spend a buck
What the … um, heck?

Soon it will be Op’ning Day.
Murph as Santa (still miss Anna)
And the captain’s at third

(Maybe shortstop deserves your attention)
Ace Bartolo, watch him solo
Scarf down 90 cheese curds

And the best part? There’s no Jason Bay
Fred and Jeff
Cook and chef

It’s been a ghost town at Citi
Drop some coin
This ain’t Des Moines
Soon it will be Op’ning Day