"Michael Turner has been just like one of us when it comes to weight gain. He denies it.

He denied throughout last season that he was a step slower - before his ankle injury - because he was out of shape. Coaches and team officials stayed mum on the subject. His fans thought the media (like me) was being too hard on him. Then this offseason, Turner started to concede there might have been a problem. In a Q-and-A with our Darryl Ledbetter, he said: "I'm still the same [weight], it just looks different. I just moved it around a little bit to all the right places."

Yes, moved it around. Who among us haven't been trying to "move around" 10 pounds for years? Does insurance cover "move it around" surgery?"