"On a night when the Red Sox and Kansas City Royals played 3 hours, 44 minutes of mind-numbingly poor, beer league baseball, one of the few bright spots for the hometown nine was a guy who was long out of harm's way by the time this bow-wow was completed.

In fact, were it not for the performance of Sox starter John Smoltz, the 37,825 folks who filled Fenway Park last night would have had a strong case for consumer fraud. What with the errors, the faulty pitching, the mental lapses - the list goes on and on - this was not a game that justified the price of a major league ticket.

The occasional bright spot aside - and that would include a laser beam of a throw to the plate by right fielder J.D. Drew for a forceout - this was just an awful game.

But wait: Before you place that angry call to the attorney general's office to demand action, know that Mr. Smoltz made everything OK. For those of you who might have been getting a little antsy, wondering when the Hall of Fame-bound right-hander was going to, you know, win a game, he worked five strong innings in a 15-9 victory against the Royals.

When Smoltz failed to emerge with a 'W' in his first three starts, the Red Sox pointed out that it was besides the point, that what mattered was that the guy's stuff was good and getting better. This is not spin: Though Smoltz was at times erratic in those earlier outings, there was enough dart and movement on his pitches to convince the Sox he'd soon put it all together in one game.

And it all came together last night.

"I've checked in, you know?" Smoltz said after registering his 211th career victory, 210 of which came with the Atlanta Braves. "I feel like it's been a long time . . . The first three games, I had some mechanical issues, but I made pitches. But I didn't feel like a pitcher until today."

Smoltz allowed one run in his 97-pitch stint, the only dent to his ERA coming in his final inning, when he hit David DeJesus and then gave up a double to Ryan Freel. He also registered seven strikeouts.

If you're a consumer of fine wines and even finer baseball, perhaps you remember watching Smoltz on television during his heyday with the Braves, back when his stuff was filthy. Well, we saw glimpses of that last night. In striking out the side in the third inning, all three victims were caught looking."