NFL offseason storylines are typically filled with hyperbole, but there’s no escaping this truth: The Jets are royally screwed if they don’t find a real quarterback in free agency or this draft.

It’s silly to sugarcoat it. It’s been a half-century since Gang Green had a game-changing, difference-making winner at the game’s undisputed most important position, for Pete’s sake. There have been fakers, flops, journeymen and frauds throwing passes since a hotshot signal caller was pointing his finger to the sky after becoming a champion. There have been underachievers and nobodies under center in green and white ever since that day.

None of them has been the answer to the most critical question trailing this wayward outfit: Is there a franchise quarterback in the house?

Kirk Cousins-A-Palooza has gone into overdrive in recent weeks with the news that the Jets will make an aggressive play for the big-ticket signal caller. Real talk: He’s the Jets’ top priority … as he should be.

“We got plans A, B, C and, if possible, D,” Todd Bowles said at the Scouting Combine on Wednesday. “So, everything’s on the table.”

Truth be told: The Jets are in deep doo-doo if they get past Plan B.

Plan C isn’t going to cut it. Plan D might be hazardous to your health.

The Jets obviously will go through their speed-dating rounds (aka 15-minute interviews) with top quarterback prospects like Sam Darnold, Josh Rosen, Josh Allen and Baker Mayfield this week, but make no mistake: Cousins is their top choice for myriad reasons. He’s a quality known quantity at a position with very few quality known quantities. He’s a workaholic. He’d be an ideal face for the franchise.