"Welcome to the Inaugural Golden Cleatus Awards! This celebration recognizes the finest and foulest the football season had to offer, highlighting the preeminent performances that delivered fantasy fruition to a multitude of owners while disparaging the dreadful displays that made managers curse the roto gods. One would think hosting such a pigskin party would have the entertainment industry's best lining up to obtain emcee duties; alas, all which were extended the invite declined, leaving yours truly to man the master of ceremonies' gig. (To be fair, only Taco from The League and Gus Johnson were offered these honors, and for all I know, they could have accepted. Unfortunately, my password for my voicemail is invalid, leaving me in the dark to the contents of roughly 104 messages from the past five weeks. But I digress…)
All winners are presented with the "Golden Cleatus" modeled after America's beloved gridiron android, and receiving such an accolade outweighs any sentiment derived from winning the Lombardi Trophy or the birth of a first child. On to the nominees…
The Kurt Warner Breakthrough Performance
Nominees: Cam Newton, Matthew Stafford, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, Victor Cruz
The winner: Cam Newton. Bereft of a normal offseason regimen, the former Heisman winner's preseason spectacle fitted the stereotypical expectation from a neophyte field general: mainly, an exhibition of errors sprinkled with hints of potential. So when Newton unleashed a dominating performance of 422 passing yards and three excursions to the end zone on the Arizona Cardinals in Week 1, the deed, while applauded, was merited little weight and chalked up to the atrociousness of the Arizona secondary. Yet the cold-blooded conquests became a recurring theme from the Carolina QB, and the football world came to a collective realization in Week 4 (after Newton dropped 409 total yards and three scores against a tough Chicago squad) that the No. 1 overall pick's feats were no fluke. With a week left to play, Newton has a rookie record of 3,893 passing yards, 674 yards on the ground and 34 touchdowns (20 in the air and 14 in the rushing game, with the latter the highest accumulation of scores for a signal caller).
The Fred Taylor Injury Accolade
Nominees: Jamal Charles, Andre Johnson, Matt Forte, Darren McFadden
The winner: Andre Johnson. Charles went down in Week 2, delivering a devastating blow to his proprietors that selected the Kansas City back in the first round. Yet the setback was early enough to provide owners the time, resources and opportunities to salvage their season. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Johnson. Lingering hamstring issues sidelined Johnson for six games, about three contests more than the perennial Pro Bowler was projected to miss. Johnson had abbreviated appearances in Weeks 12 and 13 before returning to the infirmary with another hamstring ailment. Worse, the ambiguity on Johnson's arrival forced managers to waste a roster spot on the wideout in hopes of a rebound that never materialized. All in all, Johnson played in six games in 2011, and was effective in just four."
