"(Parental advisory: This column not suitable for Little Leaguers.)

The shipment of dirty laundry arrived Monday morning as advertised. In fact, the federal courthouse in San Francisco might need to be fumigated after the testimony of Kimberly Bell in the Barry Bonds perjury trial.

Bell, Bonds' former mistress, spent almost six hours on the witness stand. She testified about Bonds' alleged steroid use, his shrinking male body parts, his back acne, the house he helped her buy in Arizona -- and as a special sordid bonus, the concept of "wife cities" and "girlfriend cities" in baseball road-trip culture.

I could be wrong. But in catching glances at Bonds throughout the day, I detected for the first time a realization in his face of what a tornado he has created.

Long ago, I learned that it's impossible to get into the man's head. But at long last, Bonds may be realizing how his self-created tornado has done so much damage to the baseball community Bonds purportedly loves and respects. At a certain level, he must wonder whether his decision was worth the toxic and sad debris it has left behind.

Monday morning, for instance, Giants clubhouse manager Mike Murphy was forced to nervously testify under oath about how Bonds' hat size increased during his time with the team. Murphy looked as if he'd rather be eating Brian Wilson's beard. Then came the grimy Kimberly Bell onslaught. In the day's lowlight, she testified that Bonds once threatened her by saying he would "cut out my breast implants because he paid for them."

For the record, during Bell's testimony, she wore a conservative gray suit, a white blouse and a don't-back-down-or-pin-me-down attitude. At one point, she more or less implied that all major leaguers are unfaithful husbands."