Having watched his Everton side transformed from a pedestrian pudding into a pesky and punchy force with the introduction of Oumar Niasse’s pace on Saturday, you’d have thought a cartoon lightbulb might have pinged into view above Ronald Koeman’s golden locks. But no, the Everton manager apparently wants to be the first to take a walking football team into the top six – and he plans to do this by returning to Arsenal in January with £40m for Olivier Giroud, a player who is 31 this week and about as mobile as Wayne Rooney. And it says here that Niasse – who says he has never had it easy under Koeman – will be cast out again and told to find another club in January, with Bournemouth’s Josh King – who scored against the Toffees on Saturday – a possible £25m target.

Down the M62, José Mourinho won’t be satisfied with his Manchester United midfield until it resembles a field of towering young trees. The latest big man on the club’s radar is Lazio box-to-boxer Sergej Milinkovic-Savic. But the Serbia enforcer, who measures up at almost 6ft 4in, wouldn’t come cheap. He’d cost a cool £75m. Or maybe that is peanuts these days. Your poor old Rumour Mill just can’t keep up. There’s some fluff wafting around here that says Juventus playmaker extraordinaire Paulo Dybala is on Ed Woodward’s shopping list too. But Juve would want £155m for him – and even we know that’s a big number. But we just can’t see that one happening. No way José. He’s only 5ft 9in tall. He’d suit Barcelona, where he’d resemble a giant. And apparently, the Catalans are keeping a watchful eye.