"Saturday night, while you were out carousing (I actually don't know WHAT you were doing, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were carousing like a wild person, because I like you), a young man named Blake Griffin was jumping over a Kia to dunk a basketball.

This is, of course, something I have done on numerous occasions. It drives my wife crazy. "Where's Daddy?" one of the kids will ask, and she will roll her eyes and say, "He took his basketball to the Kia dealership again."

What's weird is that I never got the impression that the Kia people LIKE when I jump over their cars to dunk a basketball. They always give me that "Look, if you want to buy a car, that's great, but if you're here to jump over a car and dunk, we're calling security" vibe."