Hey, John Elway. Breaking up is indeed hard to do. But get a grip, man. Kiss defensive end Elvis Dumervil goodbye.
Here's a better idea: Call legendary linebacker Brian Urlacher.
Sure, at age 34, Urlacher has more mileage than a beat-up car on the L-train. Even in Chicago, he is lovingly described as a meathead. By any measure, Urlacher ain't the Hall of Fame middle linebacker he used to be.
But this Denver team could use a little more mean.
Is Nate Irving or Stewart Bradley really a better option in the heart of the Broncos defense?
And how much is Urlacher going to cost at this point? Maybe $2 million? Heck, Dumervil can send more money to the dead zone with one push of a button on his fax machine.
"We would like to be tougher, both physically and mentally," Elway told me recently, explaining one way he intends to improve his 13-3 team from last season.
Not that Elway needs my advice, but if there's one thing any NFL team can count on from Urlacher? He will bring the tough.
The Bears offered Urlacher a guaranteed $1 million, plus incentives. Urlacher considered the offer a slap in the face. To be sure, most of us would like to be slapped once a year in precisely the same manner.
But has it ever been a really smart idea to poke a stick at this Bear and get Urlacher mad? If his knee holds up, there's another Pro Bowl season or two in Urlacher.
Of course, finding out would be a gamble on the part of Elway. When it's Super Bowl or bust with No Plan B, doesn't the potential reward outweigh the risk?