Dirk Nowitzki might be the greatest European NBA player of all-time, minimum he finds his way onto the Mount Rushmore. Which is great, because if he ended up playing soccer, there’s a good chance his career wouldn’t be nearly as celebrated. The future NBA Hall of Famer is shockingly bad a soccer.

I understand why Dirk would struggle with baseball or golf, but you would think any youth with athletic aptitude in Germany would have been thrown on a soccer pitch early and often in life.

After signing a two-year $50 million deal, or what I like to call a Kobe contract, Dirk took part in his annual All-Stars charity soccer game in Germany. And he was really bad, here are a couple of the hilarious lowlights.

Things start off with a Simone Zaza 'running man' inspired penalty kick

And a bicycle kick that would give Mark Cuban heartburn

Who would have thought this guy wouldn't be a good soccer player?

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